One special day, 5H were asked to create a futuristic building model for our school. We spent so much time on the sketching of the model and brainstorming for the materials required. I had to remind my group not to be so precise but just make a rough plan. Our teacher, Miss Hayley told us we had exactly 10 days to do this project and I didn’t think we would finish on time.
Tomorrow had arrived quicker than I had imagined. “Okay, now can we start the model?” I asked impatiently. “Yes…” My teammate replied. “Finally we can make a start…” I thought.
GJ Writing Practices 
Dear Grace, I like the way that you have used ‘personal’ experience to help make your writing ‘real’. Paragraphs help to keep your ideas ordered and separated, which helps with the flow.
Something for you to think about … there is a possible continuity mismatch between your paragraphs that could be solved by reading through your writing once it is complete, as I think that you would notice it too. Your initial comment in the first paragraph mentions your group. This suggests that there are 3-6 children working on the project. However, in the second paragraph you mention your team mate, suggesting you were working as a pair. All it needed to make it fit would be the letter ‘s’ on the end of team mate. 🙂
Also, a target for you would be to try and start your writing in different ways. Rather than using “One day … “, with an adjective to liven things up, you could have started by saying … “It was the start of a new school year and my new teacher, Miss Hayley, had a challenge set up for us already … ” See what your imagination can come up with! 🙂
Well done, I always enjoy reading your writing.
Hi Grace… are contractions allowed in your essay or composition writing in school? At Jordan and Kaylene’s school, it isn’t allowed… eg isn’t, can’t, aren’t are contractions. Just to add to what Mr M said, you could always jump right in and start off with a line that makes your readers guess. Try not to reveal too much in the beginning. Makes your story more intriguing eg start with ‘ I did not think we could finish on time. I had to remind my group to make a rough plan, to not be so precise…’ You have good story lines it is just a matter of editing it to make your readers go…’hmmm I wonder what her story is about…’ Capture their interest. Hope I am making sense.
Hello Grace! I could tell that you were getting more and more frustrated at the delays. I really liked the way you explained about detailed drawing as opposed to rough sketches. Great to have you on board 100WC!